Missing in Action

I have been MIA again, and I apologize. Life has been challenging to say the least. I have been stuck in bed for the past week and I have a myriad of tests to look forward to at the beginning of next week. Here's the scoop so we can get the unpleasant stuff out of the way.

My tummy has been in an uproar since getting to Singapore, but anyone who knows me well, knows that it's my Achilles heel. Over the counter medicine and my new favorite homeopathic remedy of ginger root have kept my stomach manageable for over five years now. Since arriving in a new country AND getting my heart broken I've been keeping the Ginger People (the brand of ginger candies I buy) in business, as a friend has brought to my attention recently. I really started to become concerned about two weeks ago. I was getting ready for work and tried on about six pairs of shorts and jeans from back home and realized that they were all so big on me that they would literally fall off. Hmmm . . . okay, I knew I had lost a couple of pounds, but it's just stress! Right? I'm eating as much as I normally do, even though I'm never actually hungry, but I force myself to eat, so everything is okay, right? Then I get to work and realize both of my Betty costumes feel awfully roomy. It's probably just the fabric expanding because of the heat, or something that happens since it's being dry-cleaned every day. I let my stage manager know that we need to take my costumes in a bit, but I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fast forward one week later and I'm waking up feeling like I only slept a wink, when I've actually gotten about nine hours of sleep and feeling like I'm going to pass out when I'm out on set at work. My entire body is so exhausted I feel like I've been running marathons daily. In the middle of a work day I get taken to the clinic and the doctor tells me I'm probably just tired because of the heat and he gives me some electrolyte packets and sends me on my way. Days in bed go by and I still feel miserable. My chest is on fire with acid reflux, and lots of other tummy issues that don't need to be discussed.

I went to a specialist at Singapore General Hospital yesterday (Thursday) and while I'm waiting to see the doctor the triage nurse takes my blood pressure and weight. That's when my jaw drops. I have lost 13 pounds since I have been in Singapore. I'm already pretty slim so thirteen pounds is quite a lot of weight on my frame. And I pretty much only fluctuate maybe two to three pounds at any given time. It was quite a shock. The doctor sees me and tells me what I was absolutely dreading having to do while I'm out here. I have to get an endoscopy and colonoscopy which means I have to go under anesthesia, which means I'm going to make a total idiot of myself. More on that later.

So, here I am in another country on the other side of the world feeling miserable, scared, and alone. Being sick sucks especially when you aren't quite sure whats wrong and you are playing the waiting game. Now pile on the fact that you are in a different WORLD with a totally different system of medicine and the one person you thought was going to take care of you if anything happened while you were going through the constantly surprising experience of performing on a foreign contract isn't there anymore. Thankfully God put a savior of a friend here for me, whom I would have never expected would go as above and beyond in making me feel safe. And, don't get me wrong there are a lot of great people out here, but when it comes to the serious, scary stuff, it's not easy to run to someone you have only know a few months. I miss my family terribly and if there was any way my mother (who has an intense fear of flying) could endure the 24 hours of flying it takes to make the journey out here, she would. I just know that there is no way she could do it between her fear and how anxious she is about my health.

Trust me, no one here should have to be with me when I'm coming out of anesthesia. I know people are known to say silly and crazy things, but I'm just a wreck. It must be my need to feel like things are under control that makes me a total mess when it comes to a situation where you have no control. I basically throw on the boxing gloves and try to fight anesthesia until I have it pinned to the ground. It has never worked, of course, but apparently, my unconscious-self will never stop trying.

That's the update and the reason I have been missing in action. I hate writing "downer" blogs but I wanted to keep everyone updated that I don't get to see or talk to and it's always been hard for me to ignore the reality of what I'm going through when it's the main thing on my mind. It's been a decade since I've had symptoms like this (more on THAT in my next blog) and I was hoping that that was the last time I'd have to go through it, but here I am. All I know is that something is wrong and the only way to figure it out is for them to shove a camera down my throat and up my bum. (Hopefully not the same camera.) I'm just working on staying positive, and taking each day at a time. One of my big "lessons" is not to project or overreact so this is the ultimate test. WebMD and I are not allowed to see one another. It only leads me to think I have every horrible disease in the world. I mean, have you noticed that? I think every disease has the same symptoms!

I'll be hanging out in bed until Monday. Wish me luck!