A Little Piece of Home

I participated in the Short + Sweet Singapore play festival last week. It's a festival of forty 10-minute original plays and each week ten plays are performed. My friend Josh Billig, whom I took acting class with when I lived in New York City, had passed my name along to the director because he had a play in the festival. Fast forward five weeks later and my director, scene partner and I are on stage at the Playden in the Arts House at tech rehearsal.

I never thought I would miss a cue-to-cue rehearsal; that's always been the day of dread for any actor! You are all ready for an audience and you just want to perform and instead you have to hit your marks, give cue lines, skip from a beautiful moment to the middle of a fight because that's where the lights change, etc, all while keeping quiet and focused so the hard-at-work tech crew can practice calling their cues. But, Tuesday night at our tech last week I was like a giddy little kid. I couldn't stop giggling. I was on stage! It literally brings tears to my eyes right now even thinking about it. When the lights came up on us, I felt this overwhelming sense of home. In nine months of being in Asia it was the closest I have felt to home and I was so grateful. I pretended my parents were in the audience like they always were when I was growing up. My mom would literally go to every show because she was so proud that she had to watch it along with anyone else who planned to go. I miss that more than anything.

It made me think back and realize that I have been consistently on stages from when I was about six years old between dance recitals, showcases, school plays, college plays, professional shows, and on and on. The constant in my life is the stage; it feels like second nature. I know where I am, who I am, what I'm supposed to do, and most of all, I feel joy. It had been over a year since I had been in a show and I just can never let that happen again! A big part of me that was lost out here, I found last week and I enjoyed the best week I have experienced in Singapore. An overwhelming number of coworkers showed up and supported me and I was so touched.

So, now the post-show blues set in a little. I have been battling it the past few days, but I am also incredibly motivated to get back to what I love. These last four months in Singapore will be a challenge because I feel like I'm a racehorse waiting at the gate, chomping at the bit! There's not much I can do here because of work and constraints on what I am able to participate in, but soon there will be no limits, and I look forward to that.

I also happened to luck out with the most amazing group of people to collaborate on this project which is what made it all the more wonderful. My friend Josh, the playwright, put together the beautiful, poignant, witty and tragic script. I loved finding "Kendra" through his words. Kluane, our director, was so incredibly insightful and made me feel completely comfortable and safe in her hands. My scene partner, Matt, challenged me immensely because he is incredibly talented and made it so easy to open up and find our characters connection. It was just all I could ask for and more in a group of people to work with.

Ahhhhhhh, theatre . . . I missed you so. We shall meet again soon, I know it!

Recurring Dreams

I have extremely vivid dreams, every night. They are almost always so realistic that often times, I'll have conversations in my dreams and be talking to someone in real life and I can't remember if the reference is from an ACTUAL conversation or one I had in a dream. I also have recurring symbols and events. I know I should pay more attention to them, but I'm so used to having crazy dreams that I almost just ignore it most of the time. I will sort of purposely forget. The one thing that is extremely frustrating is that my dreams are never lucid. I can never control what happens, what I say or do and I don't realize in my dreams that they are, in fact, not real.

I have had the same event happen in my dreams the past two weeks, pretty much every night, and I'm trying to figure out what it's tied to. Last night I dreamed that I was supposed to be pet-sitting Kopi (my roommates cat) and I had forgotten to feed her for a week. I would never EVER forget to take care of a pet in real life, but in my dream all I can realize is that I was supposed to feed her and now it's been over a week and she's just listless and ill. I try to get her to drink water and she won't; I try to force her to eat, and no dice. I just sit there crying, feeling guilty, holding this animal thinking, "I killed it! I starved it to death! How could I do this?"

It's not the same dream each time. It's with other people's pets. I realize that I was supposed to be taking care of this animal and now it's too late. It's the same sequence of events but different players and it never ends well. Thank goodness I haven't had the dream with a baby yet because that is a HUGE recurring symbol in my dreams. That's for another blog, but I've had bizarre dreams with babies doing the strangest things since I was like sixteen years old. If you like dream analysis you would have a field day with me.

So, what the heck is going on with me that every night I go to sleep and I'm inadvertently killing all of my friends pets? The funny thing is that I am a huge animal lover and pet spoiler! It's the reason I don't have a pet out here because I am not home enough and wouldn't want to put a pet through a 25 hour plane ride when I go home. Yet, in my dreams, I'm too busy and distracted to feed someones pet to the point of them starving to death! It's awful!

Any ideas?